Funeral to Finish

  Long, long before the Jefferson Airplane some how mutated into just "Starship" and produced the widely-reviled "We Built this City," they produced this actually rather enjoyable album with at least two certifiably incredible rock songs, "White Rabbit" and "Somebody to Love."  In fact, I will put up that moment in "Somebody to Love" when Grace Slick gets to the middle of the first line of the verse ("When the truth is found...") and there's that big B -> E chord change against almost any moment in rock.  It's huge.  And her vocals on "White Rabbit" are absolutely electric.  Man, what a voice. Like most albums released in the late 60's, there are some duds here too.  "My Best Friend" has a real Up With People vibe and "3/5 of a Mile in 10 Seconds" sounds like generic hippy music and not in a great way.  But overall a solid album! One crazy Grace Slick story longtime Bay Areans may r...

  This is somebody's - probably a lot of somebodys - sex album, I guarantee it.  Aside from the openly sexual songs ("Doves in the Wind," which I had to dive for the skip button when I had this on while I was making my kid lunch, oh my god), the whole album just feels sexual in some way.   (When I was much much much much younger my sex album was "Avalon" by Roxy Music, which might still work, I don't know.  I guess I fancied myself a debonair, smoking jacket-type guy, when in fact I was just your regular highly insecure teen trying to act like a Smoking Jacket Guy.) This is "alt-R&B" I guess?  There's a song called "Drew Barrymore" that doesn't directly reference Drew Barrymore in any way but I think my favorite is probably "Prom," with a great beat and a couple of fascinating melodic turns.  Great chorus that really opens up the song, too.

  I'm struck by the fact that we're, what, 27 albums into a list of 500 and there have already been three (counting this one) that are mostly or entirely in Spanish.  I bet that wasn't the case with the Old Boring White Guy version of this list! (I do have a couple of questions about what's eligible for inclusion in this list.  So far it seems like pretty much anything goes; we've seen country (or at least country-adjacent), classic rock, Spanish-language pop, Tejano, hip hop, R&B, etc.  I'm guessing that classical isn't eligible, which is fine, I get that classical is its own thing.  But I'm wondering what else will be excluded, or included, for that matter.  I haven't gone rooting around for the criteria RS used but I'm curious about it.) Which leads us to this record, and our first exposure to reggaeton on the list.  From what I'm given to understand, "Gasolina" was a monster hit, but it wasn't even my favorite song on th...

  Just a hugely important influential album if, like me, you love power pop or just rock in general.  There's a famous line about Velvet Underground (who I'm sure we'll be getting to later) that goes like "they only sold a thousand records but everyone who bought one started a band" and that's probably doubly true for this record.  I mean, Cheap Trick went out and basically copied this sound to the note and became huge stars while Big Star, despite the winking-at-themselves name, toiled in obscurity and disappeared, only to be rediscovered in the 90's by record store clerks like Jack Black in "High Fidelity" and music geeks like me.  I mean, how important do you have to be be to have another band record a (truly kickass song) titled with the name of one of the guys in your band?!?!  (It's "Alex Chilton," by the Replacements.) And Alex Chilton didn't just appear out of nowhere.  Before Big Star he was already famous for being in ...

  One of those albums where you are surprised that you recognize multiple songs.  I personally knew three, and I bet you do too, because you've seen car commercials that feature two women with their hair flying out of a convertible wearing sunglasses and laughing merrily as their Ford Churro ably takes the curves of Highway 1.  That's "Every Day Is a Winding Road."  Then there's "A Change Would Do You Good," during the romantic comedy montage where the female lead goes shopping with her bestie and tries to forget about that dumb guy and there's also "If It Makes You Happy" which has the semi-disturbing message "If it makes you happy/It can't be that bad" which is demonstrably untrue for serial killers, heroin addicts, drug-sniffing dogs, and Donald Trump. The rest is mostly forgettable roots-rock.  It's the kind of thing that's playing in a wine bar on a semi-busy Thursday happy hour.  You would never be conscious of i...

  I am almost positive that I first became aware of Sparks from the movie Valley Girl, in which they are featured on the soundtrack .  By the way, this is only tangentially Sparks-related, but Valley Girl is a great movie with a great soundtrack.  The movie, a Romeo and Juliet-style star-crossed lovers story featuring a very young Nic Cage and a bunch of other people who did not go on to the same level, is funny and sweet and charming.  It was like one of 12 movies we owned on VCR when I was a kid and I watched it incessantly.  It was to the early 80's was the Mission-Marina divide was to the early 00's in San Francisco.   And the soundtrack featured the Plimsouls and Sparks and the Psychedelic Furs and is pretty much responsible for making Modern English's "I Melt With You" the song everybody knows and is completely sick of by now. Back to Sparks and specifically this album.  I always thought that Sparks was from New Zealand for some reason but t...

  Before we get to the music, THAT COVER, MAN!  Isn't it great?  That's the first cover we've come to where I'm like "I would totally hang that on my wall."  Just brilliant. More classic blues!  I like this stuff fine, but it doesn't particularly move me, like it did to a whole generation of British kids . Jagger, Richards, and Jones were awestruck when, in 1962, they saw Howlin’ Wolf playing in Manchester at the American Folk Blues Festival. Wolf recorded many songs that influenced The Rolling Stones, and, two years after that performance, the band took a blues song to No. 1 on the UK charts for the first time, with a recording of Wolf’s “Little Red Rooster.” “The reason we recorded ‘Little Red Rooster” isn’t because we want to bring blues to the masses,” said Richards at the time. “We’ve been going on and on about blues, so we thought it was about time we stopped talking and did something about it. We liked that particular song, so we released it.”  I ca...

  Number 478 and we're finally at some recognizable Classic Rock.  What is "Classic Rock"?  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  When I was in high school, Led Zeppelin and the Kinks and the Beatles were all Classic Rock, even though all of those groups had released albums within the preceding 15 years.  Led Zeppelin's last album came out in 1979, just a few years before I started high school!  The Kinks put out an album in 1983!  I remember seeing the video for "Come Dancing" on MTV.  And they seemed ancient.  If we kept the same definition of Classic Rock based on how long ago the last album came out, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" would be Classic Rock.  So would Vampire Weekend!  Those do not seem like Classic Rock. My theory is that Classic Rock is essentially guitar-based rock released from the 1950's to about 1979.  Then Classic Rock abruptly ends and so even something that SOUNDS like Classic Rock, like "Pe...

  Sadly, the first time I became aware of Selena was when she was shot and killed by the president of her own fan club in 1995.  My familiarity with Tejano music remains sparse to this day.   Listening to this album as a totally uninformed Gen X dude, the one thing I was immediately struck by was track 4, " Fotos y Recuerdos " because, here's the thing, it's basically a cover of "Back on the Chain Gang" by the Pretenders but with different words!  ( Wiki calls it "sampling" but it's a lot more than just a sample.)  The original song is about a frustrating and unworkable relationship: I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh What hijacked my world that night To a place in the past We've been cast out of? Oh oh oh oh Now we're back in the fight We're back on the train Oh, back on the chain gang Selena's version is more or less about the same thing: I have a picture of you that I kiss every night before I go to sleep it's kind of...

  Another album I really like!  Actually, probably half an album.  This is a double album that probably should have been a single album but far be it for me to tell Miranda Lambert how to run her life.  ANYWAY we're all familiar with breakup songs, of course, but Miranda is out here with a whole fucking breakup ALBUM.  It's really something.   We all have our breakup songs.  Maybe when you broke up with that guy you were with for two years right after you started your job "The Ecstatics" by Explosions in the Sky was playing and now that song will forever be linked to him and that whole period in your mind.  For me, "Gravity Rides Everything" by Modest Mouse is like that.  But when you're Miranda Lambert and you're breaking up with a guy who's Blake Shelton and then your ex starts dating Gwen Stefani, you don't just have a breakup song, you write your own breakup songs and you write a lot of them. There's a little bit of everything here, ...

  It is here, at #481, that we arrive at the first album that I both (1) owned on CD, and (2) still listen to regularly.  I might even still own it on CD, if I knew where my CDs were.  I left a bunch of them at my old apartment, which became my ex-wife's apartment, and then they went into storage, and then I got some of my stuff out of storage, but that's a story for another time. It seems fitting that the first album on here that I personally owned is this twee, gentle nerd-pop record from this charming band, Belle & Sebastian, a Scottish band named after a children's TV show, naturally, because it reflects my own gentle nerd-pop sensibilities.  I would say this is a perfect album to put on while, say, making a brunch of croissants and carefully sliced fruit and peach bellinis for your hipster friends in the late 90's, but it probably doesn't have enough guitar for that so maybe it's a perfect album to put on while painting abstract still-lifes in your stud...

  "If you want to get a white girl in bed, play some 90's hip hop."  I was recently discussing this album with a woman and that's what she told me.  OK, the woman was my sister.  Needless to say, I did not inquire further.  If you want to get a white guy - or, indeed, any guy - in bed, play whatever the fuck you want.  German industrial, avant garde classical, Tibetan throat singers, the soundtrack to "My Fair Lady," a Larry the Cable Guy album, all of it will be 100% successful, I guarantee you. So.... once again, here we have not something I listened to much.  Of course, I knew "Officer," just from its ubiquity, but for some reason I had Pharcyde compartmentalized in my head as some kind of joke-rap weed band and that's not them at all!  I mean, they definitely have a sense of humor and seem to be familiar with and fond of marijuana, but this album is really good!  I was immediately reminded of De La Soul, or maybe even Tribe Called Quest, ...

  This is the real shit.  Remember when we talked about John Mayer's fake blues a few days ago?  This is the real thing.  John Mayer's all like  Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around No, it won't all go the way it should But I know the heart of life is good But Muddy says Well, now it getting late on into the evening And I feel like, like blowing my home When I woke up this morning all I had, I had was gone Now it getting, late on into the evening, man now I feel like, like blowing my home Well now, woke up this morning, all I had was gone Well, brooks run into the ocean, the ocean run in, into the sea But don't find my baby, somebody going to sure bury me Which one sounds more like the blues?  "Hey, it's all gonna be okay, hang in there slugger," or "EVERYTHING I HAVE IS GONE AND I AM GOING TO BE BURIED"? A lot of the songs are just Muddy Waters and his guitar but you don't even really notice.  There is so mu...

  I am admittedly mostly ignorant in the ways of the club banger, but as a Gen X'er, this whole album mostly sounds like Madonna to me.  I was getting my eardrums blown on on earbuds but I really think this is meant to be played over huge speakers in a thickly populated dance club, maybe with some molly and a vodka Red Bull.  It's not my thing at all, but it was good accompaniment for an exercise run/walk, all in that 130-150 bpm sweet spot that's good for exercise. But who cares about Lady Gaga's "Born this Way" right now?  It appears that we will finally be rid of Donald Trump and his corrosive, debilitating attacks on the body politic.  I'm far from the first to make this point, but what I'm really looking forward to is just the absolute leisure of being able to not think about politics for days or weeks.  I think a really underappreciated part of Trump's destructive strength was how much mental energy he required.  Every day, we'd have to g...

  When you were a kid, did you ever have a friend who lived in a house with a wood-burning stove?  And, like, hand-knotted rugs and dream catchers hanging in the windows and always smelled kind of like a few dogs?  And this kid was only allowed to watch PBS and play with educational toys?  And there was always incense burning when you went over there?  And there were like crystals everywhere and a lute hanging on the wall?  And their mom wore these long, flowing, flowery skirts and looked like an art teacher?  When that mom made you veggie sandwiches on pebbly seedy wheat bread with sprouts piled high on top and served it with some kind of milk that definitely did not come from a cow, this is the album that would be playing in the kitchen.

  Putting this after “Damaged” is another sick joke played by the editors of Rolling Stone. Unlike "Damaged," this most certainly does not go hard.  Before this project, I had never heard this album or any song thereon.  It is not very good!  I mean, I guess John Mayer is a good guitar player and whatever but he fundamentally is not in a position to sing the blues.  If that even is what this is!  John Mayer is worth 400 billion dollars and gets a new car every day and has sex with whoever or whatever he wants.  Those are not good ingredients for singing the blues!  He is not blue!   This is to the blues as Panda Express is to Chinese food – there are some recognizable elements, maybe a vaguely remembered taste, but it’s just not the same fucking thing.  

  It seems fitting that this is the album for today, when we're all feeling alienated and mad at the government.  Anyway, ha ha, I see what you did there, Rolling Stone, putting this right next to the Stooges, for a total call-and-response kind of effect.  Now, when I cued this up, I probably had not heard this album in 30 years, and let me tell you, it is not nearly as aggressive and dangerous as I remember.  Maybe it’s just because my brain is broken and damaged and not wrinkly and wet like the brain of 13-year-old me when I first heard this but my immediate reaction was “This does not go as hard as I recall!”  NEVERTHELESS, it is still an unimpeachable classic, and I hope 13-year-olds today have something like this that they can slam their doors and put on really loud (in headphones prob) and think about how FUCKING UNCOOL their parents are and how society is a FUCKING JOKE.  Because incredibly privileged suburban teens like I was need rebellion music....

  The big day is finally here.  After all the angst, the worry, the sadness, the hope, the optimism, we have finally arrived.  It's time for the Stooges' eponymous album. This thing can be jarring to listen to TODAY so imagine it dropping on you in August 1969.  The #1 song when it came out was "In the Year 2525," a zany sci-fi novelty song.  Hearing this after that would be like watching Requiem for a Dream after Toy Story.  Not only is there the sheer force of the classic "I Wanna Be Your Dog" or "Real Cool Time," there's also the terrifying "Ann" and the inscrutable "We Will Fall," a proto-drone song mixed with Gregorian chants.  I mean what the fuck. This came out around the same time as Woodstock happened which is too bad because it just have been timed to coincide with Altamont.  Instead of the trippy, flower power 60's, this is the dark, heroin through dirty needles 60's.  

  This is a good chance to tell you about my methodology for this project, which is, I’m not required to listen to every song on every album.  My solemn pledge to you is that I will endeavor to listen to every album in its entirety but, if I already know the album really well or it's boring or awful, I may only listen to 6 or 7 songs.  I promise I will make a good faith effort to hear the whole thing though. That brings us to this "album" which isn't really an "album" at all, it's a box set with 73 fucking songs, many of which are essentially indistinguishable because of Phil Spector's rather uniform production.  Did I listen to all 73 songs?  No I did not.  Did I want to listen to all 73 songs?  Also no. You will undoubtedly know many of the songs in this set, like "Chapel of Love" by Darlene Love, "Da Doo Ron Ron" by the Crystals, and "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling" by the Righteous Brothers.  I especially wa...